cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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