Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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