Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Congratulations! We have a period
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
