I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you didnt know i had herpes?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
