she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
