Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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