So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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