I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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