apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
