Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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