I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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