I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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