Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
