I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
