Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
