I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
