I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
