I wannas sexs uuuuu
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
