i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
