i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
