Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She bit a glass in half.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
