I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
