The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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