My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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