Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
