Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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