is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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