Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
