he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
