You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize