bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
