i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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