Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
