You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
