It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it's great music for shaving your balls
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
