we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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