If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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