The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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