Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
