Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
