Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
