As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize