I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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