Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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