if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
