I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
