you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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