I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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