I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
