just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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