Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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