I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
