If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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