you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
