you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Success! We fucked roommates!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
