and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
