Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
