somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
