I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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