it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
