I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
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what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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