I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
