His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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