This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
