My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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