Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
