capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
