just tell him i said nine months
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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