Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
