I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
