An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
