I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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