She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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