Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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