It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
